NO is a Good Word

I think we all start life thinking "no" is a bad word. As an infant when you first began to explore your environment you would reach out to touch something and you would hear "Don't touch that!" (a/k/a NO). When you were in elementary school you would maybe ask to go to the park after school and were told "no". As a teenager it might be "Mom, can I go to the mall with Susie?" and Mom would often say "no". Of course there were usually reasons attached such as that will break, we are having dinner soon or you have homework to do. And the answer wasn't always "no". It just seemed that way.

Also, during those early years one was seldom able to use the word no. If your parents asked you to do something, would you say no? Not me. If any adult asked you a yes-or-no question, the preferred answer was often yes. From early experiences "no" is generally not thought of as a good word.

Do you think that might be why we often answer questions with "I'll try." or "Maybe."? No sounds so final and hard. I'll try and maybe are softer leaving a bit of hope. Of course, we all know they usually mean no. I think part of the issue is we want to please. We don't want to hurt someones feelings. We also don't want people to think badly of us. Well, I am learning to get over it!

Since grade school I have always offered to do special projects...always! Something needs to be done...sure I'll do it. Well, I have offered to such an extreme that I am totally over committed. When you offer to do these special projects people come to expect that you will continue to do them...and others. Well, I stopped offering. And weren't they surprised when they asked and I said no. A simple little word that can be so powerful and freeing. I have used "no" many times these past few months and I must say it feels very good. It was never that I did not like the projects. It was that seldom did anyone else offer to take them on. I had so over committed my time that other more important things in my life were left in the dust...things like my job, my apartment, my dog, etc.

I still have many unfinished projects but my goal is to complete them and pass on the responsibility. I will continue to help in a moderate way. I will not get in this situation again. I happily and gently use the word "no". So in my world "no" is a great word.